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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Cowboys secret

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole ... Read More »


There was a man walking alone along a beach. He comes across a bottle with a cork in it. The man picks up the bottle and pulls out the cork. A loud roar follows and a genie appears. The genie says to the man, “I’m a little tired today and I can only give you two wishes.” The man says ... Read More »

Life choices

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex╠ú. . He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them ... Read More »

Whiskey Shots

A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot and does the same. The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?” And the guy replies, ... Read More »

Late Bus

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I heard it snoring!” Read More »

Biggest jerks

Morton was reading the paper after breakfast when he came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense. He turned to his wife with a questioning look on his face and said: “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive ... Read More »

How many is a Brazilian?

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster announces that six Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident. The blonde starts sobbing uncontrollably. Confused, her husband says: “It is sad, but they were skydiving. There were risks involved.” “I know,” the blonde says. “But how many is a Brazilian?” Read More »

No One Slept with Mom

Ever notice how a 4-year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults ? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned ... Read More »

Climb The Pole

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby. For whatever reason, she decided to do it. When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her: “Don’t you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?” The girl was understandably upset at being ... Read More »

Husband Calling

Mick’s wife was furiously humping away with her husband’s best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. “Who was it?” the back stabbing buddy asked. “Oh, that was Mick,” she replied calmly. “Oh crap, I’d better be going then!” he said. “Did Mick say where ... Read More »

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