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Monthly Archives: February 2015

Taking a Drunk Home

A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it’s possible to get. A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First they stood him up to get to his wallet so they could find out where he lives, but he kept falling down. He fell down eight more times ... Read More »

Got home early

One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, “Why are you home so early?” He answered, “Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.” She said, “Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?” Jimmy replied, “The question was ‘Who threw the trash can at the principal’s head?'” Read More »

For my husband

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. “It`s for my husband,” she tells the clerk. “Did he tell you what gauge to get?” asked the clerk. “Are you kidding?” she says. “He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!” Read More »

What happend here???

A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks. “I think the waterbed busted,” says the trembling wife. Just then a guy floats by. “Who’s that?” demands the husband. “I dunno. ... Read More »

Golfing Lessons

The new golfer asked the pro, “How much for a golf lesson?” “They’re 13 lessons for $150 or a single lesson for $1,000.” “Why do you charge $1,000 for a single lesson yet offer a series for only $150?!” “If you expect to learn golf in one lesson, you’re expecting a miracle. And if you’re expecting a miracle, you should ... Read More »

Too many lollies

A mother tells her little boy, “Johnny, you mustn’t eat too many lollies or I’ll hide the lolly jar.” Johnny asks, “Why?” His mother says, “Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!” The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her ... Read More »

Will you marry after

A husband asks his wife, “Will you marry after I die?” The wife responds, “No, I will live with my sister.” The wife asks him back, “Will you marry after I die?” The husband responds, “No, I will also live with your sister.” Read More »

Emergency Landing

A helicopter carrying passengers suddenly looses engine power and the aircraft begins to decent. The pilot safely performs an emergency landing in water, and tells the passengers to remain seated and to keep the doors closed, stating that in emergency situations, the aircraft is designed to stay afloat for 30 minutes, giving rescuers time to get to them. Just then ... Read More »

Anything you say

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held against you.” The man replies, “Boobs!” Read More »

Adopted Turtle

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on ... Read More »

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