Joke of the day
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Not eating chicken

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich. He said, “Hey, how ... Read More »

After waiting..

The doctor’s office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at his usual snail’s pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking toward the door. “Where are you going?” the receptionist called out. “Well,” he said, “I figured I’d go home and die a natural death.” Read More »

End of story!

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself. “Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!” Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. “Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of ... Read More »

Someone who is responsible

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” “I’m the one you want,” the man replied. “At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.” Read More »

Quickest way to New York

A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. “What’s the quickest way to New York?” The local scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger. “I’m driving.” “That’s the quickest way.” Read More »

Glowing number 5

When the gambler wakes up from dreaming about a huge glowing number 5 made of gold and diamonds, he knows it’s an omen. So he grabs a racing form and looks up that day’s fifth race. Sure enough, the number 5 horse in the fifth race is Fifth Element. So for the rest of the day he does everything in ... Read More »

Strict Pizza Diet

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man, “I have really bad news. You’re very sick. After your collapse ... Read More »

Advice

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he gets up, a seven year old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, “If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your ... Read More »

40th wedding anniversary

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary… The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever'”. “Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last'”. Read More »

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