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A proud man

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn’t you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honor! I’m a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat. Read More »

$200 fine

A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to pay a $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer, knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking, “Your honor, my client can only afford $50. But if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd…” Read More »

Johnson is cheating!

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!” Read More »

Guilty in traffic

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred ... Read More »

Christmas shopping…

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant. “That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.” Read More »

Does a lawyer..

A young boy walked up to his father and asked, “Dad? Does a lawyer ever tell the truth?” The father thought for a moment. “Yes son,” he replied, “Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.” Read More »

Misleading notices

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. “They should not put up such misleading notices,” said Joe. “It said, ‘FINE FOR PARKING HERE’.” Read More »

Burglary trial

The old man was a witness in a burglary trial. The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I plainly saw him take the goods.” The lawyer asked again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?” “Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him do it.” ... Read More »

Cheer up!

“Cheer up,” the lawyer advised his recently divorced colleague, “there are plenty of other fish in the sea.” “Maybe so,” replied his despondent friend, “but the last one took all my bait.” Read More »

Slander

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander. “Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them,” instructed the lawyer. The witness hesitated. “But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear,” she protested. “Then,” said the attorney, “just whisper them to the judge.” Read More »

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