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Trip to the mall

On a trip to the mall, a couple agreed to split up, visit their favorite shops and meet up again in an hour and a half. So while he visited the bike shop and the sporting goods store, she concentrated on the biggest clothing store. When he met up with her ninety minutes later as arranged outside the clothing store, ... Read More »

New Year’s resolution

John, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke. “I thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says. “I’m in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.” “Phase one?” asks David. “Yeah,” laughs John, “I’ve quit buying.” Read More »

Don’t worry…

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a “dream home”. Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. “Joe,” she said, “I don’t like this ... Read More »

If you..

Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you make your own bed. Guest: I’ll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood. Read More »

Always Read the Sign

A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. “What happened to you?” the friend asked. “Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I ... Read More »

Bring me down

“I’ve never flown before,” said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?” “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!” Read More »

A Joint Account

I went to a new bank in town to open a joint account. When they got to the point in the application where they ask for the second name on the account, my reply was, “Anyone who has a lot of money.” Read More »

Who’s Kidding Who?

(Grandpa) “Honey did you know that kids these days don’t put their tooth under the pillow for the tooth fairy? What they do is take a digital image and upload it to the toothfairy website they then get paid in bit coins.” (Grandma) “Dear, you’ve been talking to your grandson again and he’s pulling your leg.” (Grandpa) “Billy, why would ... Read More »

Thank you!

A teenager who had just received her learner’s permit for driving offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. “Thank you!” said the mother as she got out of the car and breathed a sigh of relief. “Anytime,” her daughter replied. As the mother closed the door she said, “I wasn’t talking ... Read More »

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