Animal Jokes

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  • Surprising the cow

    The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, “Dad, dad, the bull’s f**king the cow.” After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, “Next time, son, be a little less explicit. You should have said. “The bull […] More

  • The guilt!

    This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its […] More

  • The parrot

    So there’s this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he’s a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird’s foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, […] More

  • Shoulda Said

    This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. ”Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?” ”Dogs can’t talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I’ll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.” ”Okay,” says the guy. […] More

  • Duckman

    A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “May I help you, sir?” The duck says, “Yeah. Help me get this human out of my as$.” More

  • The Biggest Lie

    The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the reverend went over and asked, “What are you doing with that dog?” One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we’ve decided […] More

  • Neighbours

    A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbour digging a hole in the back garden. “What are you up to?” he asks. “I’m digging a hole for my dead hamster,” he replies. “Sorry to hear that, but it’s a big hole for a hamster isn’t it?” “Of course it is, it’s inside […] More

  • Flying Turtle

    Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a […] More

  • Too fast !!

    A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace. […] More

  • Sunny morning

    It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his […] More

  • Circling Sharks!

    Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking? Another educational story about parents teaching kids. Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. “Follow me son” the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. “First we swim around them a few times with […] More

  • Crow Kills!

    Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to […] More

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