2014

Tips for New Year Booze

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet. Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet). Cure: Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward. 2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause: You’re lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree […] More

Problem With Women

“Doc,” said the young man lying down on the couch, “You’ve got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I’m lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes.” The psychiatrist nodded, “And what do you do?” “I push them away!” “I […] More

Frog in a bank

A frog walks into a bank. He goes to the only open teller, and sees that her name is Paddy Whack. “Hey, listen” says the frog. “I really need a loan! I’m out of work, and my wife and tadpoles are at home starving! I need money so I can feed them and provide for […] More

Complaining About the Food

Two women were discussing marriage, and one said, “We’ve been married twenty-five years, and every night my husband has complained about the food. Not one night without complaining about the food.” The other woman said, “That’s awful. Doesn’t it bother you?” The first one said, “Not in the slightest.” Said the other woman, “You must […] More

Blonde and Psychiatrist

A blonde is speaking to a psychiatrist. Blonde, “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.” Psychiatrist, “Don’t you have a phone in your car?” Blonde, “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.” […] More

Look at that lion…

Two blondes are walking around a zoo, when one says, “Look at that lion with one eye!” The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?” More

Sleeping pills

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new […] More

Blonde Thanksgiving

It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family, so she prepared a dinner by herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. “Mom, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” the blonde said. “Did it […] More

Final Exam

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’ A smart-ass student in the back […] More

Drummer Problems

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give […] More

Stealing a Bus

Because they’ve spent all their cash on booze during a night on the town, Dave and Eric have no money for a taxi home. Dave has a drunken idea. “Let’s steal a bus!” He persuades Eric to break into the bus station. But 20 minutes later, Eric has failed to emerge. Dave sticks his head […] More

World’s Best Wife

The story may be manufactured or may be real but great for a good laugh. A Singapore millionaire secretly maintained a mistress in Hong Kong, bought a posh sea view apartment (in his own name) for her to live in, plus gave her a monthly allowance of US$5,000. The house cost him about US$700,000 in […] More

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