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  • What would you like?

    The man was approached by the most beautiful sales girl he had ever seen. “Can I help you, Sir,” she said. “What would you like?” “What would I like…?” he mused. “I would like to take you away from all this. We would go to the most elegant restaurant in town, linger over the port […] More

  • Terrible effect

    Two women talking over the garden wall. The first said: “It’s no good Julie, I’m at my wits end. I can’t stand the sight of George any longer. He treats me like sh*t, he’s never at home, he just uses the place as an hotel and I know he’s shagging everyone in sight. It’s had […] More

  • Ex-boss

    A man rings up his ex-boss but is told by the secretary that Mr Grinder has passed away. All day the man continues to ring until the secretary eventually says, “Why do you keep calling?” “I just like to hear you say it,” says the man happily. More

  • Eiderdown

    A young man asks for shelter for the night when his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. The old couple invite him in, apologise for only having two bedrooms – one for them and the other for their unmarried daughter – but offer him the sofa for the night. Round about 4 am, […] More

  • Family Business

    A businessman books into a country hotel, asks for breakfast at 8.30 and requests a girl to come to his room after dinner that night. “That’s outrageous!” says the wife. “What sort of hotel does he think we are running? Go and tell him, Fred.” But her husband thinks it’s a lot of fuss about […] More

  • New hand

    “Your new hand has taken perfectly,” said the doctor, “Everything’s connected up well, so what’s the problem?” “Well, doc, it’s not a problem most of the time, but you gave me a female hand and every time I go for a piss, it won’t let go.” More

  • What’s the verdict?

    A gorgeous shapely girl was lying naked in a hospital bed with just a sheet covering her. Suddenly a young man came in, pulled back the sheet and examined her closely. “What’s the verdict?” she asked. He replied, “I don’t know, you’ll have to ask the doctor that, I’m only the window cleaner.” More

  • The milkman

    The milkman delivers the milk the day before Christmas and rings the bell of number 11, hoping for a festive tip. As the door opens, he sees a beautiful woman standing there wearing a see-through nightie. She takes him by the hand and guides him upstairs where she makes mad passionate love to him. At […] More

  • Upstairs

    A man walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a pasty. “How much will that be?” he asks. “Nothing, Sir, it’s on the house.” A little later, he orders another beer and again is told it’s on the house. After a third pint, he questions the barman. “Why are all the drinks […] More

  • Pretty sick

    A man rings up his boss to tell him he won’t be in to work. “I’m sorry, I’m sick,” he tells him. “Sick again?” says the boss angrily “This seems to be happening a lot. How sick are you?” “Pretty sick” replies the man. “I’m in bed with my sister.” More

  • Come quickly

    An emergency call was made to the local police station. “Come quickly,” gasped the voice, “a burglar is trapped in the bedroom of an old spinster.” “We’ll be right there,” said the desk sergeant. “May I ask who’s talking?” “It’s me, the burglar, help!” More

  • Stages of marriage

    “There are three different stages of marriage” said Dad to his son on the boy’s wedding day. “When you’re newlyweds, you have se* wherever and whenever you want it – the house, the garden, in the supermarket, all over the place. But then comes stage 2. After you’ve been married for some time, se* is […] More

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