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  • Work Phone

    The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss. Dad: This is unacceptable. I don’t use home phone, I use my work phone. Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone. Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone. All of them […] More

  • Scotch & Water

    A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.” The bartender says, “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, […] More

  • Little Johnny… fascinate

    A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it. A little girl says, “Walt Disney World is fascinating.” The teacher says, “No, I said, ‘fascinate.’” Another little girl says, “There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life.” The teacher again says, “No, the word is fascinate.” […] More

  • Clearly cheating

    A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.” More

  • Pole Dancers!

    A guy meets a childhood pal. “What are you doing for yourself these days?” “I’m a fireman.” “Oh yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman.” “Well, if you want some good advice, you’ve got to install in your house a pole that will go to the base- ment so your kid can practice, […] More

  • Where Have You Been???

    A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o’clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little travelled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every […] More

  • How much did you make, sweetie?

    A wife and husband are having money issues. One day they decide to have the wife work the corner. Later that night the husband goes to pick the wife up. He asks, “How much did you make, sweetie?” She answers, “I made $200.50.” The husband says, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” She replies, “All […] More

  • Which one?

    A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain, “Please doctor, you’ve got to help me. I’ve been stung by a bee.” Doctor: “Don’t worry, I’ll put some cream on it.” Man: “You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now.” Doctor: “No, you don’t understand! I’ll put […] More

  • 14 Year Courtship

    A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his […] More

  • Just a visit

    It doesn’t hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started. During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a […] More

  • Tell Me Stories

    Tom to his mom: “Mom, please tell me a story?” Mom: “Sorry, honey, I don’t have any new stories to tell. But you should ask your dad why he was late coming home today. He will then tell you some amazing stories.” More

  • How Can I Put This Nicely?

    Fred: “Do you think I have any brains at all?” John: “Well, how can I put this nicely, I can describe it best like this… If they were to take your brain, roll it into a little ball and roll it down the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling […] More

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