Humpty: I want to paint my bicycle but I don’t have money to buy the paint! Dumpty: Once when I needed money I sold my watch. Why don’t you sell your watch and get the money? Humpty: No, not my watch! It belonged to my grandfather. But you have given me an idea. The Next […] More
A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?” “No, sorry.” says the cop. “What about all these other cars?” “Well, they didn’t ask.” More
I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books. After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I […] More
There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend. “Do you mean to say,” exclaimed Cindy, “that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents?” “Not only that,” said Carol, “he sent me a bill for 37 visits.” More
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. More
I was trying to decide what to do for a talent show I planned to enter. Trusting my mother to help me out, I asked, “For the talent show, what do you think I should do, sing or put on a comedy act?” Glancing up from her paper, she said dryly, “What’s the difference?” More
There is a knock on the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there. Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again. […] More
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. […] More
One dismal rainy night in Sydney a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping […] More
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD. “GOD”, he said, “How long is a million years?” GOD answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” The man asked, “GOD, how much is a […] More
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss. Dad: This is unacceptable. I don’t use home phone, I use my work phone. Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone. Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone. All of them […] More