Marriage Jokes | Hot Jokes

Biggest jerks

Morton was reading the paper after breakfast when he came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense. He turned to his wife with a questioning look on his face and said: “I’ll never understand why the biggest […] More

Husband Calling

Mick’s wife was furiously humping away with her husband’s best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. “Who was it?” the back stabbing buddy asked. “Oh, that was Mick,” she replied calmly. “Oh crap, I’d better be going then!” he […] More

Dining Companion

A man and a beautiful woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress (taking another order at a table a few paces away) suddenly noticed that the man was slowing sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way […] More

Ex-Wife

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. “Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married, I think […] More

What’s for supper?

This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the […] More

Breaking Up!

George went over to his fiancee’s house and sadly told his girlfriend the wedding was off. He was going to marry another woman. His girlfriend was distraught. She asked, “How can you choose another woman over me? Is she a better cook?” “Not on her best days, she can’t match your everyday cooking.” “Does she […] More

Wedding anniversary

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her […] More

The trick side

Peter and Paul were talking about their wives. “Have you ever done it doggie style with your wife?” asked Peter. “Well, I don’t think it qualifies,” replied Paul, “She likes the trick side of it.” “Sounds like kinky stuff, huh?” said Peter. “Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and […] More

Dream

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said with a smile. The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn’t wait for her husband to […] More

Will you marry me…

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. […] More

Stopped By The Police

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just […] More

Happy Mother’s Day!

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally, the husband asked what was wrong. “Nothing,” said the woman. Not buying it, he asked again, “Seriously, what’s wrong?” “Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids […] More

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