Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Bright Idea

    On the first day of third grade, Little Johnny’s teacher was conducting a game to break the ice for the new students. The appointed student was to describe their father’s profession in five words. The rest of the class were challenged to guess what the work was, and the correct answer allowed them to be […] More

  • Casino Money

    A man spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas casinos, and he won $100,000. He didn’t want anyone to know about it, so whan he came back home, he immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The next morning he walked outside and found […] More

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    Parking Spot

    A guy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking spot. Looking up to heaven, he said: “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give […] More

  • Did it Hurt ???

    A man had just got out of hospital from a sex-change operation and (s)he was talking to the people (s)he knew before (s)he became a woman. “Did it hurt?” “No, not really, only the last bit.” “Was that when they cut it off?” “No, that didn’t hurt, it was the last bit.” “Was that when […] More

  • Barbie

    A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, “How much is Barbie?” “Well,” she says, “we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the […] More

  • A Push Please

    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” […] More

  • Oh, the Irony!

    Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second. “I froze to death,” says the second. “That’s awful,” says the first man. “How does it feel to freeze to death?” “It’s very uncomfortable at first,” says the second man. “You get […] More

  • Black Eyes

    A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man said, “I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched […] More

  • A Prayer for Dinner Parties

    A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” “I wouldn’t know what to say,” she replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the mother said. The child bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth […] More

  • Try To Get Some Rest

    A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on […] More

  • Walking Backward!

    Every day Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband Enzo. When she was finished she always walked backwards when leaving the grave. One day her friend Bianca asked, “Francesca why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?” Francesca answered, “When Enzo was […] More

  • The Poker Game

    A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, “Father Murphy, were you gambling?” Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, “Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.” To the police officer, he then said, […] More

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