Miscellaneous Jokes

Husband’s Message (by text): “Darling, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been doing tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, should not have any serious or lasting effect but, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound […] More

Two men were in the process of inventing a new brand of gum. They were arguing over the fact that their new gum was too hard and brittle and didn’t have the right consistency. One of the inventors kept arguing that they simply had to add more liquid to their primary secret ingredient, code named […] More

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, “Don’t take a step further.” She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. “Don’t take a step further.” […] More

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back […] More

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. “I’m going on a sabbatical to Rome,” he replied, “and while I’m there, I’ll light a candle for you.” When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple’s house and found the wife pregnant, […] More

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same […] More

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with […] More

A man decided to take his blonde wife deer hunting for the first time. After he explained the basics to his blonde wife, he told her the most important piece of information, “Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it […] More

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport lounge in Atlanta. One is a native Indian, another is a Cowboy, the third is a fundamental Arab Muslim student. To break the silence, the native Indian clears his throat and softly says: “At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are […] More

A guy comes home in the middle of the day, finds his wife standing in the middle of their deluxe apartment wearing a red G-string, high heels, and the whole apartment is flooded. “What happened here?” he asks. “I think the waterbed busted,” says the trembling wife. Just then a guy floats by. “Who’s that?” […] More