Joke of the day

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  • The fire truck game

    Him: Lets play the fire truck game Me: OK, how do you play? Him: I run my fingers up your leg and you say red light when you want me to stop Me: Ok *few seconds later* REDLIGHT! Him: Don’t you know, Firetrucks don’t stop for red lights More

  • The Old Drunk

    A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?” The drunk looks back and says, “Yess, Preasher… I ssssure […] More

  • Family Finances

    A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money I wouldn’t be here.” More

  • Plastic or Rubber?

    A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, “Well, it looks like plastic.” Then he rolled it between his fingers […] More

  • A Blonde’s dream

    A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor. Doctor, “What is your dream about?” Blonde, “I am being chased by a vampire…” Doctor, “So, where are you in this dream?” Blonde, “I am running in a hallway.” Doctor, “Then what happens?” Blonde, “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every […] More

  • Great Writer!

    There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define “great” he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl […] More

  • Very cold

    On another occasion the car broke down on a very cold winter’s day. “I’ll soon have it mended,” said the man and he jumped out of the car and tinkered about underneath the bonnet. Five minutes later he got back in the car and put his hands between her legs. “It’s so cold out there, […] More

  • The Mail

    There was this guy that lived acrossed from a blonde. He was outside mowing,and here comes the blonde. She goes to her mailbox, opens it, looks inside it, and slams it. In about ten minutes, here she comes again, opens her mailbox, looks in it and slams it shut looking upset. In about 15 more […] More

  • Room 24

    The man rang the local mental institution and asked to speak to the patient in room 24. “I’m sorry, sir, room 24 is unoccupied at present.” “Whoopee,” shouted the man. “I did it, I escaped.” More

  • Don’t be silly..

    A little boy ran into his mother’s room crying hysterically. “I don’t want my willy any more,” he sobbed, “it’s bad to have one.” “Don’t be silly, darling,” she replied. “Of course it’s not bad, why do you say that?” “Because I’ve just seen daddy in the bathroom and he’s trying to pull his off.” More

  • Terrible effect

    Two women talking over the garden wall. The first said: “It’s no good Julie, I’m at my wits end. I can’t stand the sight of George any longer. He treats me like sh*t, he’s never at home, he just uses the place as an hotel and I know he’s shagging everyone in sight. It’s had […] More

  • Family Business

    A businessman books into a country hotel, asks for breakfast at 8.30 and requests a girl to come to his room after dinner that night. “That’s outrageous!” says the wife. “What sort of hotel does he think we are running? Go and tell him, Fred.” But her husband thinks it’s a lot of fuss about […] More

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