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Monthly Archives: February 2014

Bank Teller

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, “I want to open a f*cking checking account”. “Please sir”, she replies, “we can’t have language like that in here.” “Why the F*ck not?” he asked. “Sir,” Came her retort, “I must ask you to refrain from swearing.” “I don’t give a sh*t what you want,” ... Read More »

Vote for Me

A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group of politicians. A Congress man quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, “I’m the local MP and I hope you’ll vote for me in the next General ... Read More »

Use it

A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed ... Read More »

Blonde Mother

There are three moms. . A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde. They were all talking one day and the brunette says “Oh my gosh y’all I went through my daughter’s purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed” They comfort her, and the redhead says “Yeah, ... Read More »

Flying Turtle

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on ... Read More »

Sharing the Loot!

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour and decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them since they ... Read More »

My poor car

A young, rich lawyer had a very bad car crash. The porsche was a write-off but even worse, the lawyer’s arm had been severed. When the paramedics arrived, they heard him whimpering, “My car, oh my poor car.” “Sir,” said one of the helpers, “I think you should be more concerned about your arm.” The lawyer looked round and seeing ... Read More »

Under The Bed

Jimmy went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” How much do you charge?” “A hundred dollars per visit.” ... Read More »

Free Whiskey

A soldier, who was habitually drunk, publicly announced to all the men in his company and surrounding companies that he was swearing off drinking and that all the other soldiers should give up this foul habit also. The other soldiers would tease him to fall off the wagon by giving him whiskey and get him drunk. Every morning he would ... Read More »

Chinese Jews!

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Smith,” asked Jones, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Smith replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” Waiter: “No Chinese Jews, Sir.” “Are you really sure?” Jones asked again. “I cannot believe there are no ... Read More »

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