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Monthly Archives: August 2016

A little more expensive

“This tooth will be difficult to remove,” the dentist told his patient. “I think you should have an anesthetic even though it will be a little more expensive.” “OK,” agreed the patient and began feeling in his pocket for his money. “You don’t need to pay me yet,” said the dentist. “I know,” replied the patient. “I’m just counting my ... Read More »

2 reasons

A newspaper writer, after working for 7 long years, was finally granted two months of leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss’ kind offer. The boss asked him why. The newspaper writer said there are 2 reasons. “The first,” he said “is that I thought by taking such a long leave it ... Read More »

College graduation

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning ? though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if ... Read More »

I just saved

A man ran into the house breathless and he said to his wife, “Honey, you should be so proud of me, I just saved $1.50 by not taking the bus, but I chased it all the way home.” The wife replied, “You want a medal for that? You should have chased a cab and saved yourself $15!” Read More »

Magic trick

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping. His father, in an attempt to calm ... Read More »

A new mother

A new mother went to the psychiatrist worried. “Doctor,” she said, “Since I had the baby I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?” “Easy,” said the doctor. “Just take the carpet off ... Read More »

Personal question

A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” he said to her. “I don’t know,” replied the beautiful young woman. “It depends how personal it is.” “OK,” the guy said. “How many men have you slept with?” “I’m not going to tell you that!” the woman ... Read More »

The Big Secret

An engineer and a psychiatrist meet up for their 20th college reunion. The engineer says, “I’m surprised to see you still looking so young. I’d have thought listening to people’s problems all day would have given you a mass of wrinkles.” The psychiatrist says, “You think we listen?” Read More »

So how’s it..

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems. Every time they would do it, she would complain about splinters, so Pinocchio went to Geppetto about the problem. Geppetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had se x with his girlfriend. A week later, Geppetto asked Pinocchio, “So how’s ... Read More »

Please give me

A beggar came to a pedestrian in the morning on a Liverpool Street and demanded, “Sir, Please give me six pounds, I need to drink coffee.” The pedestrian recognized him as some big shot business man and asked, “Coffee costs three pounds. Why do you need six pounds?” The beggar says, “Well, I need to buy one coffee for myself ... Read More »

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