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Monthly Archives: January 2017

Serious problem

Tom went to see her psychiatrist, Dr. Jackson. Tom pleaded to the doctor, “My wife needs help, she thinks she’s ME!” Dr. Jackson said, “That seems to be a serious problem. I will need to see her. Can you get her here to see me.” Tom replied, “But, Dr. Jackson, here I am!” Read More »

A proud man

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn’t you take the food instead of the cash out of the till? Burglar: Your Honor! I’m a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat. Read More »

Discrimination

Boss, to four of his employees: “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to have to let one of you go.” Black Employee: “I’m a protected minority.” Female Employee: “And I’m a woman.” Oldest Employee: “Fire me, buster, and I’ll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it’ll make your head spin.” To which they all turn to look ... Read More »

What’s your excuse?

Wife: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?” Husband: “I was golfing with friends, my dear.” Wife: “What? At 2AM?!” Husband: “Yes dear, we used night clubs.” Read More »

My Mother Had Three Kids

A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man’s expense, so he asked, “My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?” The passenger had ... Read More »

Beautiful goldfish

Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them that she decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she invites her friend Lauren over to see all her beautiful goldfish. Lauren is impressed, and says, “They surely are beautiful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?” Diane replied, “Simple. I just ... Read More »

Where’s Mom and dad?

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and dad?” and she replied, “They’re up in bed.” The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma, “Where’s Mom and Dad?” and she replied, “They’re still up ... Read More »

It’s My Computer

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the Internet.” Tech Support: “All right. What operating system are you running?” Customer: “Netscape.” Tech Support: “No, what version of Windows are you using?” Customer: “Uhhh…Hewlett Packard?” Tech Support: “No, right click on ‘My Computer’ and select properties on the menu.” Customer: “Your computer? It’s my computer!” Read More »

It’s magic

David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. “I will”, replies a guy in the audience, “but I’m going to need your wife Claudia and a table.” “Ok”, says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts f**king ... Read More »

Wise Words

Employee: “Sir, what is the secret of your success?” Manager: “Two words.” Employee: “And, Sir, what are they?” Manager: “Right decisions.” Employee: “And how do you make right decisions?” Manager: “One word.” Employee: “And, What is that?” Manager: “Experience.” Employee: “And how do you get Experience?” Manager: “Two words.” Employee: “And, Sir, what are they?” Manager: “Wrong decisions.” Read More »

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