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Monthly Archives: January 2017

Loud Disturbance

My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone. “Hello,” she whispered. “Hi, honey. How’s your mother?” I asked. “She’s sleeping,” she answered, again in a whisper. “Did she go to the doctor?” “Yes. She got some medicine,” my niece said softly. “Well, don’t wake her up. Just tell ... Read More »

Help Wanted

The candidate was interviewing for a job at a phone answer center and was asked to make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green. After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, the reply was, “When the phone goes GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, I PINK up the phone and say YELLOW!” She got the job. Read More »

Predict the Weather

To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If ... Read More »

I have news

A woman goes away on vacation and has her brother watch her cat. On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her that the cat is dead. The woman immediately goes into hysterics, really upset and says, “You can’t tell a person bad news like that. The first day, you should ... Read More »

Jar number 47

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do – everyone except for grouchy Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic. Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this ‘miracle doctor’ to prove that he wasn’t anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, “Hey, ... Read More »

$200 fine

A pick pocket was pronounced guilty and sentenced to pay a $200 fine by the judge. His defense lawyer, knowing that his client could not pay the fine, pleaded with the judge asking, “Your honor, my client can only afford $50. But if you allow him a few minutes in the crowd…” Read More »

Communicative type

Paul picked this woman up in a nightclub and took her home. While they were walking home he didn’t say a thing. “You’re not the communicative type, are you?” she said as they were undressing. “Nah,” Paul replied and pulled out his old fella. “I do all my talking with this.” “Damn,” said the girl as she leaned forward to ... Read More »

Runaway

A Blonde woman was standing near a train platform in New York with a pair of handcuffs and some rope. A gentleman being curious asked the blonde what the handcuffs and rope were for. The blonde responded by saying, “The news reported a runaway train heading to New York and I want the reward for the capture.” Read More »

Army Girl

“Daddy,” said my 10-year-old daughter, “I think I want to join the Army.” “Baby,” I answered, “I think the Air Force would be a better option for you.” “But I don’t want to be a pilot.” “You don’t have to be a pilot,” I told her. “There are other jobs in the Air Force.” Her answer: “I don’t want to ... Read More »

Father and son

A father and his son, Bobby, arrive at the game, and Dad can’t find the tickets. Dad: “Nip home and see if I left the tickets there.” Bobby: “No probs, Dad.” Half an hour later Bobby returns to his dad who is patiently waiting outside the stadium. Bobby: “Yep, they’re on the kitchen table where you left them.” Read More »

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