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What to get the wife with everything!

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.” His buddy said, “I have an idea. Why don’t you make up a certificate that says she can ... Read More »

I AM

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, groggy and bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap! That must be my husband!” So the man jumped out of the bed scared and naked and jumped out ... Read More »

Do you see?

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, “Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.” He looks at her and says angrily, “Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so.” “Well then, could you ... Read More »

Scaring the kids

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. ‘What’s up?’ he says. ‘I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, ... Read More »

Life..

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Read More »

Is honesty the best policy?

After two years of marriage, Tom was still questioning his wife about her lurid past. “C’mon, tell me,” Tom asked for the thousandth time, “how many men have you been with?” “Baby, ” she protested, “If I told you, you’d throw a fit.” Tom promised he wouldn’t get angry, and convinced his wife to tell him. “Okay,” she said, then ... Read More »

Penny scale

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. “Listen to this,” he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. “It says I’m energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover.” “Yeah,” his wife nodded, “and it has your weight wrong, too!” Read More »

Chocolate Chip Cookies

An old man was lying on his deathbed. With only hours to live, he suddenly smelt chocolate chip cookies wafting up from the kitchen. Driven on by his favorite smell, he somehow managed to pull himself out of bed, across the floor to the stairs, and slowly down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man’s wife was baking ... Read More »

Bowling again!

A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next ... Read More »

Clearly cheating

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, “I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone.” Read More »

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