Religious Jokes

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  • One of Life’s Lessons

    While preaching about forgiving ones enemies, the preacher asked for a show of hands of those who were willing to forgive their enemies. About half of the congregation raised their hands. The minister continued his lection and again asked for a show of hands. This time, 80 percent of his congregation raised their hands. Not […] More

  • Inside the circle

    A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money. She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and […] More

  • Copies of Copies

    A new monk arrived at the monastery. He was assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He noticed, however, that they were copying copies, not the original books. The new monk went to the head monk to ask him about this. He pointed out that if there were an […] More

  • Public Announcement!

    The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him […] More

  • Professional Help!

    A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to […] More

  • Army of the Lord!

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The preacher said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” My […] More

  • Punishment

    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs. With the ferocious bear charging at him from a […] More

  • Fear of Flying

    There was a religious woman who had to do a lot of traveling for her business. Flying made her very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and […] More

  • Benefits of Being an Atheist

    A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts. However, the atheist had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious […] More

  • Job Interview

    A guy was getting ready to apply to a local department store for a job. A friend told him that it was the policy of the store to hire nobody but Catholic Christians, and that if he wanted a job there, he would have to lie about being a Catholic Christian. He applied for the […] More

  • Nine In A Room

    In Budapest, a man goes to the priest and complains, “Life is unbearable. There are nine of us living in one room. What can I do?” The priest answers, “Take your goat into the room with you.” The man in incredulous, but the priest insists. “Do as I say and come back in a week.” […] More

  • Sharing the Loot!

    Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour and decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother […] More

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