Doctor Jokes

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  • The Magical Frog

    John went to the doctor one day. ” Dr. I don’t know what to do. The women are scared of me. My pen_is is too long. What can I do?” The doctor meassured it and it was 24 inches long. “Well, you have 2 choices. One, you can have it surgically downsized. Or two, you […] More

  • How to Cure a Headache

    A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he’s referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies. “I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and….” He […] More

  • Tight Fit

    An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, “I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what’s wrong with me?” “Let’s begin with a few questions,” said the doctor. “Do you drink much?” “Alcohol?” said the man. “I’m a teetotaller. Never touch a drop.” “How about smoking?” asked the […] More

  • Eye Check Up

    A Russian, visiting India, went for an eye check up. The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY Doctor: Can you read this ? Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy…, he’s my cousin. More

  • Second Appendix

    A man phoned his doctor very late at night saying his wife appeared to have Appendicitis. “That’s impossible,” the physician replied, peeved at being woken up after midnight. “She had an appendectomy last year. Don’t be stupid. Only a moron like you would wake me up for something this idiotic. Have you ever seen anybody […] More

  • Labor pains

    A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor. When they got there, the doctor said, “I have invented a new machine that you might want to try. It takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives them to the father.” So the married couple decided that […] More

  • Patient’s Dilemma…

    A woman called up the hospital and said, ”I want to know if the patient Rita Brown in Room No 1438 is getting better,” The RMO replied, ”She is doing very well. She had her first solid meal today, her blood pressure is fine and if she continues improving she might even be sent home […] More

  • Right Diagnosis

    Alarmed by the prolonged discussions of his case by a group of doctors by his bedside, a patient said, “There must be something terribly wrong with me.” “Why do you say that?” asked the doctor. “All the other doctors seem to disagree with your diagnosis.” “Don’t you worry.” consoled the doctor. “In a similar case […] More

  • Colonoscopy Test

    After returning home from a colonoscopy an upper middle aged man received a call from his friend to see how the test turned out. He told his buddy that the doctor had found a large blockage. The friend asked, “Didn’t I tell you a while back that bananas were good for your colon?” The middle […] More

  • Paranormal Phenomena

    A peculiarly scary thing was happening in a hospital’s ICU. Every Sunday, with unfailing regularity, patients on bed number 5 died at 11 AM. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. To investigate the cause of such bizarre incidents, the doctors and nurses decide to […] More

  • Rich Doctor

    A girl brought home a man who was naked except for a loincloth. He had a painted face, feathered headgear and a spear in one hand. “Father I have married the type of man you always wanted me to marry.” One look at his son-in-law and the father recoiled in horror. “I had asked you […] More

  • Best Patients

    Five surgeons are discussing who has the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’ The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’ The third surgeon says, ‘No, I […] More

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