Miscellaneous Jokes

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  • Automobile Dealership

    When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door […] More

  • If you..

    Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It’s $5 if you make your own bed. Guest: I’ll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I’ll get you some nails and wood. More

  • Always Read the Sign

    A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. “What happened to you?” the friend asked. “Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the […] More

  • Bring me down

    “I’ve never flown before,” said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you?” “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!” More

  • Smashing The Cigarettes

    A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to […] More

  • Eternity

    Three men went to hell. The devil said to them “You have come to hell, and you must now choose whether to spend eternity in room 1, 2 or 3” He then opened the doors to the three rooms. Room 1 was filled with men standing on their heads, on a hard wooden floor. Room […] More

  • All I want is a beer

    One Friday night, a 17-year-old boy went into a bar and sat down at a table in the corner of the pool room. When the waitress walked over to his table, the teenager said: “Gimme a beer.” The waitress eyed him for a moment and said: “Look, sonny. Do you want to get me in […] More

  • It’s in the book!

    He: If you give me your number, I could call you sometime. She: It’s in the book. He: Great! What’s your name? She: That’s in the book, too. More

  • How they like it

    Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor’s dog, who has been barking for hours and hours. Finally, Chris jumps up and says, “I’ve had enough of this!” He rushes downstairs and a bit of time passes before he finally returns. Pat says, “The dog is still barking, What have you been […] More

  • Accident policy

    An insurance agent approaches a cowboy, trying to sell him an accident policy. The agent inquires, “Have you ever had an accident?” “Never,” the cowboy responds. “However, just recently a horse kicked in two of my ribs, and back a couple years ago a rattlesnake bit my ankle.” “Wouldn’t you call these accidents?” says the […] More

  • Well behaved

    First Lady: “My son is very well behaved.” Second Lady: “How can you say that? Wasn’t he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years.” First Lady: “Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.” More

  • You did a great job

    The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job,” he said and handed the man a check. “Also, in order to thank you, here’s an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.” Later that night, the doorbell […] More

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